Pleasure and pain

With Allie and Vip

Pleasure: Two nights in a row of eating excessive amounts at a shabu-shabu buffet and getting Thai massages.
Pain: Two nights in a row of Thai massages.

I'm getting there as fast as I can!

Samlor ride... 

I'm just now getting wi-fi... it can be difficult to come by in this part of the world.  More posts on their way.

FAMILY – Part 2: Meeting my mother and Thai Family

Due to some unbelievable dedication by my friend’s brother, Tony (my hero!  Pictured below and in another post...), and his network of friends and family, along with a governor of another province and a village leader, they were able to track down my mother.   Their initial findings were that she was alive and her last known address was in a village north of Korat.

From Tony: (This) would not be accomplished without the help from my cousin--the ex-governor of Ratburi Province. He helped to contact Chaiyapum's City official to find April's mom whereabouts. Then, the head of the district contacted me back that they found April's mom’s house and even gave me the phone # of April's brother. A big thanks to P' Oood (Mr. Suthep Komonphamorn)

Shortly after that, Tony spoke with my brother who remembers writing the card to me for my mother seven years ago and said that my mother was in Korat and would go pick her up until I got there.  Tony arranged for a van and driver to take us there on Monday and when he called my brother, Ord, to let him know of the arrangements, he said that when he told my mom that I was here to find her, she started crying.

Monday morning I met up with Tony, his mom and his aunt from Australia as they’re all going with me to meet my mom.  It was so great to have the emotional support and to help guide me through some Thai cultural greetings and such by giving me a crash course in the van on the way there as it’s supposed to be a three-hour ride to my brother’s house north of Korat.

Lunch stop on the way to my family's (Tony, his aunt and mom)

Me with my new extended family

During the drive a million emotions are going through my body at any given moment.  And I can’t stop wanting to cry…. Which is so unlike me.  I’m happy, scared, excited, anxious, in disbelief, and just in pure shock that my brain is not computing how to respond.  To be honest, I had no idea what to even say or ask first.  Thirty years I’ve been waiting for this moment and my mind is blank as to what to say.  Typical.

As we approach my brother’s village through a lot of farmland, I wonder what would my life had been like had I been raised by my mother here in Thailand.  Would I be living in this farmland?  Would I be one of those Thai people that knows little to no English? Would I be escorting a bunch of cows to some pasture?  Would I be selling pineapple out of a cart? I can’t possibly imagine what my life would have been here or what I would be doing for a career/survival.  Talk about a major split in the road 30 years ago.

We get to the outside of the village and someone meets us outside of it in a car and escorts us to the house.  We’re driving through dirt roads and I’m told that the village specializes in chicken shit for manure.  (Hmm, that would definitely have been a very different life I would have had here.)  We finally pull up to the house and I’m nervous.  I don’t even know what to do with myself.  I get out of the van and turn around to get my bag when Tony is speaking to a woman behind me and then tells me it’s my mother.  I instantly go to hug her even though I was told that should bow to her first, but she went in for the hug too.  Of course I start crying, I’ve been a big, sopping, emotional mess for days now.  I initially didn’t recognize her (that answers that question I’ve always had) but then saw that there was something in her eyes that I recognized.  And while studying her face more, I saw all the facial features I once knew.

FIRST time my mother and I have seen each other in 30 years
(Btw, I just noticed my family in the background watching us.  Super cute!)

Traditional bow to elders

After that it was meeting one family member after another – and there were a lot of them!  I met my sister and two brothers all in their late 40’s, early 50’s.  Then I met my nieces and nephews and their children.  I’m an aunt!   And I’m a great-aunt!  And a sister!  All these titles I never had before (not in a blood-relation sense).

I was escorted into the home to sit down on the ground (typical Thai-style) with my mother and look at a bag filled with all of the cards, letters and pictures that she has kept all these years along with letters that my dad had sent, addresses and phone numbers of my family members in the US.  I was so unbelievably moved that she had kept all these mementos of me.  What I also didn’t realize was that one of the last letters that I sent was right before I went into junior high.  Pretty much since then, I stopped all contact.  I don’t even remember why I stopped writing her.  Being a typical teenager perhaps.

My mom showing all the cards, letters and pictures of me that she's kept for the last 30 years

A letter that I wrote to her before going into junior high

Showing my mom pictures of me growing up over the last 30 years

When she was done showing me all of those items, I presented her with a small photo album with all of my photos of growing up over the years.  There were photos of Halloween costumes, birthday parties, Amy, Holly, and I growing up together, proms, homecoming, travel and current photos of myself and my friends.

Sticky rice with mango

Then we (Tony, his mother, aunt and I – they’re family to me now too) were presented with an amazing display of food that was soooo good! I even ate all of it (you’d be very proud of me!).  We talked, asked questions, took pictures together and I kept holding this one cute (big) baby (my great-nephew) who really liked me and apparently wanted to be breast-fed by me, to which I amusingly hand him back over to my niece to take care of.  Then I’m asked to sit in a different location, to which my mother then held my right hand and rubbed a string on my wrist that had a knot in it and tied it to my wrist as a symbol of welcoming me to Thailand, to the family, and to keep our spirit connected. Then the rest of the family, friends and village proceeded to do the same in this welcoming ceremony.  It was incredibly moving to hear them welcoming me and saying they’ve been waiting for me to come home along with some other things in Thai of which I didn’t understand but hopefully in the same spirit as what everyone else was saying.  Of course I kept crying.  They also welcomed Tony and his family too.  I look down and I have a bunch of white strings tied to my wrists of all these people who have tied their spirit to me. 

Welcome/spirit ceremony

My nephew... who's probably my age

My brother and I

Even Tony and his family are welcomed to the family

Presenting gifts to the family to remember me by

When people say they’ve been waiting for you, I wonder if they have all the same questions and thoughts that I’ve had for the last 30 years?  Were they as curious about me as I was about them?  With a language barrier, it’s difficult to ask them these kinds of questions.  I would love to hear what they have to share, but we all struggled through questions.

The family... well, part of it.

This baby is my great-nephew!  But everyone including myself call him my son.  He even looks like my baby pictures!
And was taken right after he wanted me to breast-feed him...

Unfortunately after a couple of hours, we had to get back to Bangkok.  I take more pictures of them and with them, along with exchange contact info.  I tell my mom that I’ll come back to visit her and spend time with her in Korat where she lives.  We all say our goodbyes and we depart.  

My mom, sister and great-nephew

The village leader who helped in locating my family who was greeting me on my way out

Many thanks to Tony for taking all these pictures and documenting the whole reunion. They turned out wonderfully and you forever have my gratitude for all that you have done. 


More to come...

FAMILY – Part 1: The quest to find my mother

Tony Kruesopon - my hero!  The man that made it all happen!

Alright, let’s get to the heart of this trip.

As many of you may know, a big part of the reason why I came to Thailand was to find and meet my mother whom I’ve had little to no contact with in over 30 years.  When I first got here, I had no idea how I was going to find her and with only an idea that Tony, my friend’s brother, who lives here in Thailand would be able to help assist in this process especially since her ID card is written in Thai characters and the phone number that I last had was no longer in service.  Some of you may know that Thai names are like 25 letters long and all I knew were the first nine, but I didn’t even know if she still had the last name that I once knew or if she was even alive.  So basically, I got here with no plan and barely a first name. 

I can’t even begin to tell you that just being here has been a pretty intense experience.  All my life, I’ve always wondered about her.  I wondered if she was alive, how she was, what she was like, what she looked like after all this time, what did her voice sound like, how tall was she, why would she leave me, why she didn’t keep in touch, why had she not tried to see me, did she forget about me, and why was there nothing from her in 30 years.  I felt hurt, sad, angry, confused, sense of abandonment, and yet curiosity.   All these questions and feelings have been bottled up in me for 30 years.  While I’m sure there’s a part of me that is angry, I’m honestly not feeling angry, maybe when I was a child and I didn’t understand the complexities of relationships and cultural differences, but not since I’ve been an adult and have experienced more life.  After I arrived here, my feelings started to change to hope that she was here, that I was going to see her, and would have some sense of resolution after 30 years. 

Please understand that in looking for my mother and the rest of my Thai family that I’m not looking to replace or supplement my family and the all the people in my life that have raised me, nor am I discounting what they’ve done for me.  But somewhere deep down inside, I couldn’t help but think about her.   She’s a part of me and it’s been missing.  Perhaps I didn’t and don’t speak of her often because of the pain of rejection and abandonment that has been inescapable and difficult to talk about without wanting to break down.  And perhaps I didn’t speak of her with my family because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings of still wanting to know more from what wasn’t there.  Over the years, I’ve developed a great defense mechanism for not showing too much emotion about it and quickly divert the subject of conversation to something else so as as it’s difficult to talk about and to not want to break down in front of the person I’m speaking with.  And now being here, so close to the source, my cultural heritage and just so many people that remind me of her, I’ve been going through some pretty intense emotions here.

What’s kind of crazy is that from the conception to actually being here on this trip, there have been nothing but coincidences and the universe giving me a big helping hand along the way.  Too many to list here, but it's been too many to ignore too and that's how I knew I was on the right path.  A friend of mine had a few nights stay for free at the Grand Hyatt Erawan in Bangkok that he gave to me.  What I didn’t know was that at the corner of it, there is the Erawan shrine of Phra Phrom, who is the Hindu god of creation.   For days, I watched people from all over the world, come up and offer marigolds with jasmine, burn incense, light candles, offer coconut water, bananas, wooden elephants, and such to help protect them, give them blessings, and answer their prayers.  Apparently, the Erawan Shrine has a high percentage rate of answering prayers.  If your prayer is answered, you go back and pay to have a Thai dance troupe sing and dance for Phra Phrom.  I figured since I was here looking for the woman who created me who better than to ask than the god of creation to help me out a little. 

Erawan Shrine

Prayer and offerings to Phra Phrom 

Let’s face it, I’m not a religious person, somewhat spiritual perhaps, but I was absolutely drawn to this place.  For four days and for at least 30 minutes each day, I sat there watching people pray and give their offerings.  While I’m not converting to Hinduism any time soon, that shrine is a pretty powerful place. When I finally worked up the courage to pray to Phro Phram, I got my marigolds, my incense and my candle.  I figured if I’m going to ask for something, I should at least give something in return and I heard he likes marigolds and so do I, we have something in common!  I went to light the incense which I’m pretty sure took twice as long as everyone else (I’m a beginner, there’s a lot of sticks, give me a break!)l then I got up there, and got down on my knees like everyone else, and had a frank conversation with Phro (I’d like to call him that like we’re old friends).  I figured he knew what was on my mind (he is a god after all), so I kept it short and sweet but with all heart.  After I was done praying and being the rookie that I am to praying, while sticking the incense where everyone else put it, of course I burned myself on some other incense (what’s a little more pain?), and lit the candle but then couldn’t get it to stick where everyone else put it so I just stuck it with the incense (though I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to do that).  Clearly, I’m not good at this prayer stuff so I fumbled through it.  I like to think that all that matters is what’s in your heart and I had good intentions.

I go back to my room and check my emails and I see an email from Tony that was sent at nearly the exact same time I was praying saying that he had found out that my mom was alive and has a new address.  On Monday, we’re supposed to go and see her along with the three siblings I have though I always thought that I had two… so it looks like I have a very big, emotional reunion in front of me.  Perhaps it’s a coincidence that the email and prayer occurred at nearly the same time as it was inevitable that Tony was going to get back to me at some point with some sort of news, or perhaps the universe liked that I threw a little of myself out there.  It had been sending me signs all this time and it was time to send one back.

Buddhist Monk Encounter

I've been told that women shouldn't really talk to the monks or sit next to them or even in the vicinity. However, today at the bus station, a taller of two monks keeps looking at me and trying to say something to me in Thai. I can't understand him so I ask if he speaks English. He speaks very little but manages to say, "where from". I say "America". They both nod their heads and say "ah". All I understand from the shorter one when they talk amongst each other is "big Thai". Why yes, yes I am.

The "big" saga continues...

Immunizations: Part สอง

So I was informed at the last travel clinic that I went to to get my second injection for Hep B that I should get the Japanese Encephalitis shot as I would be more likely to get JE before Malaria with an infected mosquito.  (Isn't this a fun discussion?)  I likely was told about it at the first clinic but passed on it as it was around $300 for the injection and it's a two part series.  I think we opted for me to just wear insect repellent all the time.  But when I went on the CDC website (that is one scary website!), it gave all the facts on it and yes, I'd rather pass up on the opportunity to have JE.  So the clinic dr said I should get it when I get to Thailand as the kind in the US is different than the kind available here.

Yesterday, I go to the hospital where the travel clinic is and after a lot of run around and traversing all around the 10 buildings the hospital has on property, I finally find the clinic.  Luckily, the clinic employees are use to working with travelers so their English is pretty good can't say that for the rest of the hospital though.  After we go through all the formalities, and get ready to get the shot, I sit back down and ask them if I should get a rabies shot too.  The dr. goes over the pros/cons, likelihood of me getting bitten, asks where I'll be traveling, etc.  To any of you who haven't travelled to Asia, there are dogs E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.  Running lose, dirty, ball sack flapping in the wind, and none of them have leashes or collars.  Fact.  Sometimes I'd walk along the sidewalk and nearly run into one as we cross paths.  So I ask the dr the dreaded question, "how much".  He responds with 349THB.  That's $11.37 yo!  And it's a three injection series, so $34.10 for it all here versus the $700 in the US!!!  Also, that JE injection was $14.59 as first of a two injection series versus the US at $300+.  I saw the list of the other immunizations and all around the same prices too.  Ummmm, why had I not known this??

I spent around $600 for immunizations in the US that would have cost me about $100 here.  Not including the anti-Malaria and antibiotic prescription I had gotten too for around $150.  Of course the CDC website and travel doctors all say that you should get it before you leave, and perhaps you should, but at the same time, part of me wonders why I couldn't get some of them (at least the one injection immunizations) when I first arrived here.  It's not like Hep B was waiting for me to get off the plane and jump into my body.  Sure, it's a risk to take, but there are certainly ways of deterring those pesky mosquitos and restraining yourself from eating certain foods.  Oh well.  But food for thought for those of you who plan to travel here...  perhaps it'll save you some dough because the $500 or so I could have saved by getting the immunizations here, I could have lived off of for a month.

Massage School

You know when you start planning a trip somewhere you often get a book on that country to research where to go and what to do, well I thought I should do a Thai cooking class for a day where they take you out to the market to buy the food and then you go prep and cook. Sounds wonderful!

The other thing I wanted to do was learn Thai massage which is over the course of 5-10 days. I'd love to confidently give a proper massage! But then I started thinking, "Those Thai ladies walk on your back and push and pull on you with all of their weight. If I do that, I will BREAK someone's back.". Ok, that's not gonna work. Stick to just receiving the Thai massages. Maybe when I go to Sweden I'll learn to do a Swedish massage. They don't stand on people.

This place is F'N AWESOME!!!

I'm pretty sure this place deserves the name "Sky Bar".  It is the highest alfresco restaurant in the world (or so the flyer told me) and has a bar with awesome 360 degree views on the 63rd (or 64th) floor.  Many of you may know, this place was featured in Hangover II.  It's all it seems in the movie.  A must see!!

Someone else's more awesome photo.

Jatujak -- Shopping Mecca

The cute version (that happens to not have 100 people standing in the same 100 square feet at this moment) aka, The Dream Secion.

The main road of the market (not cute version)

The Jatujak market is INSANE.  It's like the Rose Bowl flea market, but on crack.  Perhaps the same amount of square footage at the RBFM, but has 20x's the number of vendors in that same space.  It's indoor, it's outdoor, there are stalls, stores, carts, and there are people just selling their wares on the street, it's any thing and it's every thing.  And by everything I mean everything.  Art, dishes, disposable supplies, home furnishings, custom tailoring, clothes of every style (though not size), shoes, jewelry, pets (I'm talkin' cats, dogs, snakes, chinchillas, mini monkeys, etc), food vendors, craft supplies, army surplus, and more.  You name it, they got it... and for 1/8th of the price you'd get it in the States.

Thing is, EVERYONE in Thailand is shopping here.  Lots of pushing, pulling, prodding, and such just to walk down some of the 4' wide aisles in the more cramped sections... which are most sections.  I went two days in a row, and I still have not seen every vendor and still get lost.  It doesn't help that when you're in it, it's an absolute maze.  If you come here, you should go here if at least to not stock up on some supplies for super cheap or just eat a bunch of different food.

Note to value fashionistas and anyone with any sense of style:  Go to the Dream Section.  You'll thank me later.  I just saved you one more day to shop.  ...or one less day of wandering around trying to find the good stuff.

Craziness.

Sweet & Not-So-Sweet: Fashion in Bangkok

Sweet!
The ladies here are pretty awesome!  There is a great sense of fashion everywhere!  The gals here are just more feminine in general than American women, and I really like it.  There is a sense of formality here that Americans lost somewhere along the way too.  No Thai lady is wearing a t-shirt with shorts and flip flops, at least not at the same time.  But fashion every where is up to date, artistic, cool, and feminine.  There is even some really awesome shopping for super cheap prices at the markets!  When I mean cheap, I mean like $3-15 for most items of clothing, most of it not great quality but every now and then, you can find something half decent.  It's like shopping in F21, you only want the initial fashion for the moment and then move on in the next month or so and you don't mind because it was so cheap.  In my case, I have to be prepared to leave things behind should my pack become too heavy or the weather changes as I go.

Not-So-Sweet
The clothes in the marketplace are made for skinny elfin-like people (typical Asian women -- not gargantuan Asian-American women like myself with a fat ass and thighs that is also 5' 10" with a 34" inseam -- as my friend says, I have T-Rex legs with no torso), the clothes are usually one-size-fits-all-elfins so no "big girl" sizes, and you must have under size 8 feet.  Cultural differences, the Thai lady vendors that sell the clothes are not afraid to point out that I'm big(ger), usually with a gesture of their arms and hands coming out wider than the clothing.  They say: "you big".  Me: "I know".

When I'm looking for shoes, the vendors look at my feet and automatically tell me the largest they have is size 38-40.  I'm usually a 42 in women's shoes (why that differs from men's, I'm not sure), so I move on rather quickly... with no shoes.  When a vendor does carry "large" shoes, there's usually a sign posted or it's a selling point for them to mention to me.

When trying on pants or some sort of bottom, I usually don't fit... and while I laugh at myself, they get to laugh at me too, which is fine but I love this constant reminder of me being bigger than them... like when I went to get a Thai foot massage, they hand me a pair of loose pants to wear under my dress so I don't flash everyone and so they don't get my dress dirty.  I put the pants on and the thigh area is... well, conservative in fit but they got the job done.  The look on the masseuses' face as she sees that the pants are "conservative" in fit, she giggles with me because she was a little shocked... and then proceeds to pull on the thigh area of the pants to see if she can roll it up enough to do the massage.

So I'm mostly SOL when it comes to shopping... which is supposed to be a good thing (?).  Thailand is just not ready for all I've got going on.

A note on street food...

A bigger food set up than most and fairly typical food prep.  Yes, he's washing the dishes.

GREAT fried and roasted meats!!!  

Prepping the mis en place.

My FAVORITE so far.  Roasted pork.  It's nice, juicy and tasty on the inside, crispy and salty on the outside.  

This place is a ServSafe and Health Inspectors' worse nightmare.  Period.

The same person that makes your food with their bare hands is the same person that takes your money too.  There are no gloves and there is no washing of the hands or use of sanitizer between food handling and cash handling.  Get use to it.

Dishes:  Let's just say there are no "dish washers" or anything resembling a machine to sanitize the dishes you eat off of.  They're often washed in a large bucket.  On the ground.  With no hot water.  And it came out of a wall on the side of an alley.  And there may or may not be soap involved.

Temperature (storage and cooking) regulations:  There are none.  Raw meat, eggs, seafood, etc. are sometimes on ice, but sometimes at room temp, which is currently 90 degrees.  Dry storage?  None, it's humid.  The storage is in a container on the sidewalk.

The flavors, you can't beat it!  I'm eating at least 50% of my meals with only a long toothpick.  Because it's served in a plastic bag.  But it was only $1 or so to eat my meal and it's soooo good!  And I eat at least one whole pineapple to two a day because it's the best I've ever tasted.  I don't know about some of that other odd fruit that stinks though - that spiky football thing.  It has a sweet, funky poo smell.  Not havin' it.  But I'm so looking forward to trying so many other foods!  So many good food smells!!  And the lack of hygiene or food safety hasn't really deterred me... yet.

On to more culinary adventures!

For your viewing pleasure... Bangkok

One of many statues at Wat Pho

The leaning Buddha at Wat Pho -- this thing is GINORMOUS

Surly marketplace women -- they don't mess around

While waiting for a boat from Wat Pho

The speedy way to get around on the river -- Speedboats...

Tuk-Tuk's - If you like living life on the edge, take one.  They give Asian drivers an even worse rap.

Hello, lover!

View from my room.  Awful.

At Wat Pho

Just a bit of Bangkok... so far.  More to come.

In the Land of Size 2 and 5' 4"... in the Land of Smiles

In the States, I’m sometimes considered slightly exotic looking (no one can really figure out what my ethnicity is.  Am I Hispanic, Hawaiian, Middle Eastern, Asian – then what Asian, etc.)?  Plus the height thing always throws people a bit.  Here, just about anything goes and there is very little to no judgment… except I think the children are trying to figure me out when they see me.  Again, the height thing, so I think they may be trying to figure out if I’m a girl or a ladyboy.  Great.  My life is complete.  I am an anomaly.  In addition to that, I am a voluptuous (fat), tall anomoly compared to everyone else here.  I don't blend in here either.